Conflict Resolution - It's Not for Sissies!!

Conflicts....ugh.

What a pain. What a fact of life.

They happen a lot and if not caught early what starts out as a simple, localized brush fire can quickly intensify in heat and spread to infect others nearby.

In fact, few things go viral faster than a conflict. Left unchecked the numbers involved rapidly expand from the two combatants to include many others as people are recruited to take sides, or naturally join in to support their friends.

Much like the feud between the Hatfield's and McCoy's side battles between the members of the opposing teams erupt and expand the number conflicts from one to many. The next thing you know there are side skirmishes going on that even the original combatants can't control. All being driven by emotionally based issues such as righteousness, justice, and vengeance, which justify more conflict.

And while few spread that far, almost all spread to a degree. And just like a wild fire has "hot spots" that simmer long after the original fire is put out, these secondary skirmishes must be dealt with as well. Otherwise they can reignite with little prompting and you are back in damage control mode, over and over again.

This is why workplace conflicts become immense drains on productivity and profits. All the focus is on the infighting and paybacks instead of productivity.

Left unchecked they threaten the culture and survival of the entire organization in ways that are irreversible, unless you replace some of the players.

What a shame. What a waste. All because a brush fire turned into an inferno.

That is why, when faced with a conflict, the single most important thing for you to focus upon is YOU!! Not them.

Why you? Because you are the one who has to remain calm in the center of the emotional firestorm. As Wayne Dyer observed: "Conflict cannot survive without your participation."

In other words, one cannot resolve a conflict if they are infected with the energy of conflict.

Plus people in conflict are often in "fight or flight" mode and are typically extremely wary of others who seek to get involved. Because they are in a survival mode they often see "friends" as enemies and can attack you as you are coming in to help.

So, you must be prepared for that and expect to take some heat, even burned a bit, as you seek to put the emotional fires out. Because if you catch fire there is no one left to put the fire out.

In the art of conflict resolution, the old adage of fighting fire with fire simply never works.

Ronald Reagan may have said it best when he stated: "Peace is not absence of conflict, it is the ability to handle conflict by peaceful means."

This is not an easy stance to take, let alone maintain. Which is why people who can master the ability to remain calm, centered and focused as they wade into the emotional firestorms that conflicts stir up are so valuable to the health of organizations.

As you learn to suit up and fireproof yourself in order to help others return to their peaceful state you gain a very important added benefit. You find that the processes you have learned to help others to get out of their conflicts serve you extremely well when dealing with ones that involve you.

So, center yourself, steel yourself and prepare to take a shot or two on the way in. But hold the higher ground; be a stand for a mature resolution to the matter and be a stand for a healthy culture that uses its conflicts to make it stronger.

The valuable life lessons you will learn will serve you and those you seek to serve during times when they need you the most.